Raindrops on Roses

If I follow my doctor's orders, I will be in bed for the rest of the day. And then for the rest of the week I have all sorts of activity restrictions like no cleaning (that's for the rest of the year, right?), no swimming (It's summertime in Arizona, that's kind of like asking me not to breath for the week), and no vacuuming.  You wouldn't believe the urge I have to vacuum now that I am told I cannot. I think some brainiac termed in reverse psychology. I call it torture.

I've done this bed rest routine before with in vitro (this is our second attempt - first time, no bueno), but today it is different. Last time around I had hyperstimulation syndrome (think of your ovaries becoming the size of umpa-lumpas, then going down the Mississippi, sucking it dry, and then spitting every last drop into you abdomen). It was pretty easy for me to hold still 'cause moving kindof hurt. But this time, I don't know what is up with me, because all I want to do is run five miles, turn up pandora and see if Lucas can teach me how to dougie, do a few cart wheels, and then, of course, vacuum.

But instead I decided, hey, once-upon-a-time-I-had-a-blog, what if I make a post for all zero of my readers.

Despite all my complaining, I am actually very grateful to be in this moment of my life. Especially when Lucas comes over and rubs my head for a minute. Or when Lilly writes me a letter to tell me she will take care of me and hopes I get better soon. And even if this IVF cycle doesn't work I will always have the moment when Lucas looked at the magnified images of our little blobs, kissed my belly, told them "I love you," and then told me he wanted to name them Casey and Justin "Beaver." We will always have the moment we had to make a tough decision minutes before doing the transfer and felt peace we did the right thing, even if it lowered our chances of getting pregnant. We will always have the moments Reed and I prayed together and learned, not just in word, but deep in our souls, to trust the Lord's desire for our family. Because let's face it. He has done some pretty amazing things with our little family so far.

(April 2012)